Pieter Hintjens passed away - Wikidot.com blog

I took Ed's advice, and I am so glad I did. I only regret (and regret is not something I allow much in my life) that I did not find my way to this/that site and that post before this "Bob" died. I knew of Pieter, had heard interviews with him, was intrigued by his ideas, but have not yet read any of his books. That will change in the near future.

I wish that my Mother could have had the peaceful dying Pieter described for his Father, and that we have accorded to the non-human beings in our lives for decades. In 1978 in the United States, unplugging a terminally ill person's respirator, as I had promised my Mom I would if they put her on one, could have earned one the death penalty (premeditated murder). It didn't matter that her brain was ravaged by cancer, her organs shutting down due to uncontrollable infections, that her pain levels were unmanageable. "Life" - a beating heart and air moving in and out of the lungs - according to some doctors*, were to be preserved no matter what, no matter how long, irrespective of the multiple costs and absolutely no benefit to anyone or anything other than the hospital's and doctors' bank accounts. Her last few weeks were gruesome, and tore our family apart.

The wounds have not healed, nearly 40 years later. Tears are, literally, streaming down my face as I write this. Our Father nearly drank himself to death. In spite of remarrying (after a 2nd heart attack and bypass surgery), he continued to drink excessively, and became physically (not sexually) abusive to his stepson. When he had symptoms of an impending heart attack 14 years after Mom's death he told no-one, did not go to the hospital, and died a week before Christmas. He left a wife who truly loved him, 3 children who might someday have become a cohesive family, two step-grandchildren he was great with, and a wonderful grandson whom he adored (it was reciprocated). I have not spoken to my sister in 10 years, and rarely in the preceding 30 years. My brother has made bad decisions and bad marriages and nearly committed suicide (or let himself die) due to severe depression. He & I find it difficult to communicate openly and honestly (I don't mean hurtfully!), and to provide each other with much needed support as we grow older, as he deals with a son with emotional/psychological issues that have their roots in his parents' dysfunctional families, as we deal with our own illnesses, disabilities, and disappointments.

*Her primary oncologist Dr. B, fortunately, was not one of those. Unfortunately, when she was admitted to the hospital for the last time, Dr. B was on a long-planned, extended vacation and his back-up gave her false hope, and kept pushing us to try more drugs, put her on life-support if "necessary" to get , etc. As soon as Dr. B returned, he told us the truth (which we already knew) and allowed us to make the humane decision to withdraw certain medications and keep her as comfortable as possible for however long she had left. Dr. B felt that would be about 2 weeks. That Tuesday evening, I went back into her room, and as I was trimming her fingernails, she asked what I had planned for the weekend. I told her my partner and I planned to take the kids over to the coast. She said "I'd like to go to the coast, too, this weekend, but Dr. B says I can't go home." She gave me a fierce look that clearly conveyed "I AM going home this weekend." She died Friday morning, with none of us at her bedside, in spite of the nurses calling my Father repeatedly and almost begging him to get there, and me saying "Let's go NOW."

Please check on the laws where you live and add your voice to those that support "Right to Die" and "Death with Dignity" legislation. Volunteer for Hospice, visit people in long-term care facilities and hospitals who do not have family and friends to do so. Your lives will be richer for it, and who knows, you may reap the benefits when it is your time to pass from this beautiful blue and green world.